It was reported on the news this morning that London cabbies are to be
given language lessons in time for the Olympics. This will consist of
various essential phrases in French, German, Spanish, Italian and
Chinese.

"..Je suis desloe Monsieur, je ne vais pas au sud de la Tamise.."

Any more suggestions?

Reminds me of the cartoon in the Evening Standard in 1980 when Fred
Housego won Mastermind. It showed a customer paying his fare to the
cabbie, and he was saying ",,You passed on two Mastermind. You don't
pass Luton when coming from Heathrow, and £15 from £20 leaves £5.."