London Banter - Visitors Guides to London Transport :)

OK, here is the quick & fast guide to what to avoid on London
Underground & Busses.

1- Well, Rich UK citizens do not travel on London Transport they tend
to use their private transport, as they tend to compare London
Transport to sewage system network :) The only people who always tend
to travel on London Transport are working class & middle class, asylum
seekers and illegal immigrants :(

2- When exiting the London underground station try to avoid those brain
dead citizens from EU's third world southern Nations such as Spain,
Italy, and some French, etc, as they always tend to stand in their
hordes just in front of the exit area to block everybody's path with
maximum hatred :( This just goes to prove just how selfish these type
of people are, as soon they have exited they station they will not give
a slightest caring flying **** about those who are behind them who are
trying to exit.

3- Stay well clear of Indian & Pakistanis extended families and their
friends, they tend to travel in their hordes. When they get into your
carriage they will take up all the space like locusts, with hideous
body pong of curry that oozes from them or disgusting smell of their
perfumes! And they will tend to act! like Bollywood actors, in other
wards collection of ugliest looking people on earth who demand to be
respected as..... ????, and if you offend them then watch their eyes
pop out like that ugly guy from Halifax adds :)

4- Alas! the not so intelligent but extremely aggressive Black people,
now forget acting like teachers to them. Firstly they will have no idea
what seat they would prefer to sit in before they board the train, they
will watch you and follow you as you try to grab that empty seat and
before you make it, it has gone in a blink of an eye, as the uninvited
beastly occupant will kiss their lips in victory salute. Now if you try
to challenge them that they have just nicked your seat then full wrath
of SIR Kofee Anna will fall on you, and soon you will be reminded by
them of possible race relation case coming up against you :) as their
eyes pop out of their sockets while they threat you. Well it is the
'law of the Jungle' steal it from the weak as it is far easy and
requires less energy :)

5- Uhh those ever so threatening Easter European refugees, as
throughout the journey they are weighing you up with their popped out
or beady eyes, how much worth are you, can they have everything that
belongs to you, your wealth, your mind, your soul etc a some kind of
Frankenstein's CURSE :) I guess it is only matter of time, once they
have been with us for one generation, we would all be acting like them,
i.e. from hand to mouth? :( Call it communism or poor mans excuse to
settle for crumbs as the cleverest Vampires sucks the blood out of
week?

6- Finally 'The Dumb Blond scenario'. In the morning and evening rush
hours never let the Dumb Blond be first to get on, otherwise suffer the
uncomforted of judders, jolts, shoving and pushing through out the
journey. Well this is how the Dumb Blond scenario works :) Everybody
admires her beauty, so she tends to get to enter the carriage first,
but then you suddenly realise wish you haven't let her enter the
carriage first, because now she stands in the way, blocking everybody
with her sweet ass from getting to the empty seats, because she can't
make up her mind on which seat to sit on!!!!!! and one can see all the
great hopes of getting empty seat disappearing into thin air as the
people entering form other entrances that have not been blocked by Dumb
Blonds grabbing empty seats at speed of light. When she eventually
after 5 seconds dose decide to sit down in a seat, she will sit in the
very seat she was standing by for the last half a century, while she
blocked her own team/side! 'the true Dumb Blond!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' .
In the rush hours 5 second are like 5 hours, when you are trying to
grab an empty seat. For a normal male familiar with Rugby, football &
Basketball blocking techniques it should not take them more then 1& 1/2
second to be seated and to make way for others who may like to sit-down
in other empty seats.

Some reckon that this delay reaction on behalf of female to select an
empty seat is the way human mind works, female takes far longer to work
out the spatial orientations and subsequent outcomes. I would reason
that female are always shopping, and just cant make up their mind :)
causing suffering for others :) Is selecting an empty seat same as
getting new Kitchen fitted? I wonder :) The solution will be to have
rush hour carriages without seats in them to Tackle 'Dumb Blond
scenario'.