Just to lighten the mood, from 'The Age' newspaper in Melbourne:

"Brace thyselves for Pram Wars

The new breed of pavement Panzers are gearing up for the ultimate
showdown, a terrified Jim Schembri reports.

Having legally procured their Class 3 armoured vehicle licence from
the Department of Defence, my good friend Donna and her husband
invited me to accompany them on an important mission to assist with
some advice regarding the purchase of a new pram.

As dictated by the 1998 International Pram Design Protocol, all prams
must: (1) provide safe carriage for the child, including an
appropriate level of weather protection; (2) house the child in
comfort, with particular emphasis on the provision of adequate head
support; and (3) be capable of crashing through a solid
two-metre-thick concrete barrier with minimal damage to the chassis.

Being new parents, my friends were eager to ensure the wellbeing of
their child and so secure the model best suited to the brutal wartime
conditions currently prevailing throughout the malls, footpaths and
jogging tracks of suburbia.

We visited many pram showrooms, closely inspecting the titanium-
reinforced structures and roll-bar integrity of the latest models.

Donna was particularly tenacious when inquiring about blast tolerances
and displacement capacity in the event of a surprise attack. I was
impressed. The girl had done her homework, having studied the
must-have reference tome for all modern parents, Jane's Prams,
Strollers and Other Heavy Assault Vehicles.

Dismissed outright were the rickety single-seat pushers with the tiny
wheels and collapsible frames. Their previous pram had been such a
model and proved a disaster when the side armour plating gave way
after being sideswiped by an A-412 Rock Crusher in a cinema foyer
following a crybaby session. As the structure collapsed, they barely
had time to grab the child and jump clear before the pram exploded in
a fireball of twisted metal and shattered baby rattles.

What they needed was a counter-weighted frame capable of withstanding
both side and rear assaults, with angled armour shielding to deflect
any hostile contact with an enemy pram.

Then came the crucial decision: three wheels or four? True, with three
wheels came the manoeuvrability needed during jousting sessions with
other mothers in supermarket aisles. Four wheels, however, provided
the stability and sheer anterior force required during the type of
close-quarters combat encountered at child-care centres and stocktake
sales.

After much discussion they settled on the D-243 Advanced Assault Pram,
with side missile launchers, spiked wheel guards and twin M2
..50-calibre machine-gun turret (see fig.1). It was a wise choice.

What my friends were, of course, preparing themselves for was the
coming Pram Apocalypse, the prophetic signs of which are all around
us.

As their designs have grown more robust and threatening, prams have
gradually claimed the unquestioned right of way along all concourses,
footpaths and jogging tracks. Upon seeing an approaching pram,
pedestrians automatically dance a frantic twostep to make room,
knowing full well the pram shall neither slow down, budge nor deviate
one millimetre from its chosen course to allow for any non-pram
entity.

When confronted by the formidable bulk of double-seated prams, hapless
pedestrians have no option but to either take refuge in a shop doorway
or risk life and limb by leaping onto the road. The advent of two
dual-seater prams side-by-side on a beachside path, however, presents
an unopposable juggernaut, forcing people to jump into the sea lest
they be crushed beneath bulletproof steel-belted tyres.

Yet while their dominance over pedestrians is secure, there has for
some years been a rising tension between the three-wheel and
four-wheel breeds. Prams of like undercarriage gracefully make way for
each other, but when prams of different classes come face-to-face the
question arises - who shall submit?

What typically occurs is a bout of Pram Chicken, with the adversaries
swerving only at the last second to avoid collision. As they pass each
other there is the ritual exchange of contemptuous sneering - an
acknowledgement that one day soon they shall face each other in
combat.

We know not where or when Pram Apocalypse shall come - but come it
must.

All we can do is pray that we will have time to leap out of the way as
the opposing battalions of prams advance towards each other with
gathering speed along that great Jogging Track of Destiny to settle
once and for all which wheeled beast shall forevermore be Master of
the Footpath."
Image at http://putfile.com/pic.php?pic=7/18107514164.jpg&s=x3

From
http://www.theage.com.au/news/opinio...?oneclick=true

Clive wrote to uk.transport.london on Thu, 30 Jun 2005:

In message , Peter
Lawrence writes
But the design of buses has improved and the parents , who are much
more numerous than wheelchair users, might reasonably expect that
they don't have to mess around with folding buggies any more.
Are they prepared to fold up a pushchair if a wheelchair user gets on a
bus they are already on?

They are supposed to be - there are notices in most areas saying that
they must. Whether they are or not, I don't know - the last time I saw
a wheelchair user on a bus (two days ago, incidentally), there was only
shopping in the bay, not pushchairs.
--
"Mrs Redboots"
http://www.amsmyth.demon.co.uk/
Website updated 23 May 2005

Ian F. wrote to uk.transport.london on Fri, 1 Jul 2005:

"Peter Lawrence" wrote in message
...

But the design of buses has improved and the parents , who are much
more numerous than wheelchair users, might reasonably expect that they
don't have to mess around with folding buggies any more.

That doesn't alter the fact that I, a 55 year-old, am expected to jump up
and hand over my seat the minute some 17 year-old chav slapper gets on the
bus with a buggy the size of Peckham!

I do resent your use of the words "chav slapper". You can only go by
appearances - many young mothers are in their 20s and 30s, and the way
people dress in this hot weather, you have no idea where they are from!
Nor, despite their accent and the way they dress, can you have any idea
at all of their moral standards - or do you actually *mean* to imply
that only prostitutes use buses? Which is more or less what you *said*.

Moreover, would you, a 55-year-old man, *really* remain seated while a
mother with a young child in her arms was standing?????
--
"Mrs Redboots"
http://www.amsmyth.demon.co.uk/
Website updated 23 May 2005

Neil Williams wrote to uk.transport.london on Thu, 30 Jun 2005:

On Thu, 30 Jun 2005 12:44:41 +0100, Clive
wrote:

I am sorry for offending you, but I still think mothers with pushchairs
should have then folded before even attempting to board a bus. You're
right that I don't understand everyone's circumstances, but I do
understand the room these things take up and that modern buses of the
kneeling type are for wheelchair access not pushchair access.

No, they're not. They are provided with a low floor to aid access to
everyone, be they in a wheelchair, with a pram or with lots of
luggage, or often in mainland Europe with a bicycle.

Indeed, a very kind bus driver lowered the floor for us when we were
travelling to Heathrow Airport with suitcases a couple of months ago.
It didn't make any difference to our having to lug them down the steps
of the Tube, alas, but it did make the first leg of the journey feel
nicer!

Personally, I would not put tip-up seats in the space concerned, be it
on a bus or a train; not doing so avoids arguments, and the space can
be used for standing if the bus is really busy.

I'm noticing that more and more buses have them removed, probably for
that very reason.
--
"Mrs Redboots"
http://www.amsmyth.demon.co.uk/
Website updated 23 May 2005

Neil Williams wrote to uk.transport.london on Thu, 30 Jun 2005:

As I've said elsewhere, as have others, it is multipurpose space. The
order of priority would, in my mind, typically be:-

1. wheelchair user
2. any passenger with an item that won't fit anywhere else on the bus
without causing an obstruction, e.g. pram, very large or heavy
suitcases etc

Bicycle (g, d & r)?

3. any other passenger


--
"Mrs Redboots"
http://www.amsmyth.demon.co.uk/
Website updated 23 May 2005

Ian F. wrote to uk.transport.london on Fri, 1 Jul 2005:


It's her choice to bring her whingeing brat onto public transport. I had no
other choice of seat, and precious little standing space.

a) Why is someone else's child automatically a "whingeing brat"

b) Was it not equally *your* choice to use public transport?

c) What about, as I saw yesterday evening, when a middle-class father
brings *his* child on to a bus in an unfolded pushchair? I suppose
*he's* a "chav slapper" and the articulate, intelligent 19-month-old is
a "whingeing brat"? Yes?

I hate to tell you, but your prejudices are showing.
--
"Mrs Redboots"
http://www.amsmyth.demon.co.uk/
Website updated 23 May 2005

"Mrs Redboots" wrote in message
...
Ian F. wrote to uk.transport.london on Fri, 1 Jul 2005:

Moreover, would you, a 55-year-old man, *really* remain seated while a
mother with a young child in her arms was standing?????

I would offer but it would be wrong of her to expect it as a divine right.
He may have been unsteady on his legs or had all manner of reasons for not
standing up.

I remember when I was in my teens travelling on a train with some friends. A
woman who was carrying a suitcase and who had two children with her burst
into my compartment (trains still had compartments then!) and glared angrily
at us. Immediately she had come in, one of us had stood up to offer to put
her suitcase on the rack for her, since she had the children to look after.
He'd hardly finished standing up when she laid into us: "Isn't any one of
you miserable specimens enough of a gentlemen to offer to help a lady with
her suitcase?" Said my friend, sitting down again, "Well I *was* just about
to offer, but if that's your attitude and you're going to *demand* it then I
don't think I'll bother." That shut her up!

If anyone ever holds a door open for me or gives up their seat for me (eg
moving their bags that they've got next to them) I always make a point of
saying "Thanks ever so much. Much appreciated" even if I've been hoping that
they will do so - politeness costs nothing. All too often I've found that
women don't thank me if I hold a door open for them, whereas men almost
invariably do. It seems so obvious to me that the first person through a
door should hold it open for the person (man or woman) just behind them that
I don't know why some women feel offended by it.

"Mrs Redboots" wrote in message
...
Ian F. wrote to uk.transport.london on Fri, 1 Jul 2005:


It's her choice to bring her whingeing brat onto public transport. I had
no
other choice of seat, and precious little standing space.

a) Why is someone else's child automatically a "whingeing brat"

b) Was it not equally *your* choice to use public transport?

c) What about, as I saw yesterday evening, when a middle-class father
brings *his* child on to a bus in an unfolded pushchair? I suppose
*he's* a "chav slapper" and the articulate, intelligent 19-month-old is
a "whingeing brat"? Yes?

I hate to tell you, but your prejudices are showing.
--
"Mrs Redboots"

So are mine, because I agree with Ian all the way!
Dave G

Dashe wrote to uk.transport.london on Fri, 1 Jul 2005:


"Mrs Redboots" wrote in message
...

I hate to tell you, but your prejudices are showing.
--
"Mrs Redboots"

So are mine, because I agree with Ian all the way!
Dave G


You mean that you agree that any mother who takes her child on a bus is
automatically a prostitute and/or dole fiddler, with the child born out
of wedlock? Which is what Ian is *saying*, even if it isn't what he
*means*! And it is that to which I take exception.
--
"Mrs Redboots"
http://www.amsmyth.demon.co.uk/
Website updated 23 May 2005

In message , Mrs Redboots
writes
c) What about, as I saw yesterday evening, when a middle-class father
brings *his* child on to a bus in an unfolded pushchair? I suppose
*he's* a "chav slapper" and the articulate, intelligent 19-month-old is
"whingeing brat"? Yes?

I hate to tell you, but your prejudices are showing.
So are yours, how do you know the man you saw was "a middle class
father", do you mean he was wearing a suit or what?
--
Clive