John B wrote:

I'd like to believe that NR rigs their website so that objectionable
dickheads get offered higher fares than everyone else

In which case you would be paying the highest fare of all.

The cheapest single offered by National Rail for that day is £65 BTW,
but buying a single ticket was not the object of the exercise, it was a
return ticket and I quoted the cheapest return available.

You're clearly either (a) a liar or (b) unhinged or (c) both.

If finding a cheaper fare involves anything more than specifying start
and end points and asking for a return ticket then clearly it is
pointless.

I also note that you specified a ticket that involves a change of trains
at Carlisle and that arrives at 23:88, you really are a liar and an
idiot if you think that a train that arrives six hours after most
business have locked the front door and after the restaurants have
closed and hotels have probably junked your reservation unless you paid
in advance is of use to anyone other than an obsessive rail freak.

And that's assuming that Useless Rail(tm) actually manage to stick to
their timetable, which is unlikely. Ryanair is more punctual than rail.